Wednesday, August 31, 2011.

♥ Dilemma

Been trapped in the blue phase for quite some time.
I'm not sure why I'm turning like this- moody, pessimistic, despondent.
It's not what I want either.
But sometimes, others may not be able to understand. I know how annoying it feels to always have someone throw a wet blanket back at you even when you're nice and offer to encourage him/her.

I feel like I'm changing, but whether it's a good change or not I really don't know.
It's a misty sight in front of me, I know not of my future.
It's always a step at a time.
With uncertainty and risk.
It's not a very nice feeling either.

Right now, i'm struggling in the transition stage.
I can simply throw the towel in and give up.
Or I can choose to move on.
It's very extreme.
But I can't help it.
My mind's in a whirl and everything around me seems very hostile. And unfamiliar.
Maybe that's what they say by the term 'getting out of one's comfort zone'.

I really feel like giving up, though I don't like the feeling of failure.
I seriously don't.
I'm still struggling to accept the true fact that I gave up something I like. For something that's good and seems practical and a more safe option.
It's not easy trying to maintain my balance in the previous course.
Much less jumping to another totally different environment.
And don't know how to share these feelings with. Hmm.

There's nice people around who offer to help, yes i agree,
but ultimately it depends on how strong your will is.
If you have a weak will, nothing's gonna work out at the end of the day.
And I'm exactly in this situation now.
I don't know why I'm even studying.
For future prospects? For stability and security? That it's part and parcel of life? But..
Yeah true.

I'm just rambling here cos I need a channel to let these feelings out.
Tomorrow's a long day.
Not sure how I'll handle it but hopefully i'll survive it.
Life at this point is seriously bad.
To think I still say that my next 10 years is going to be very exciting as I'll be moving on from a student to a working adult.
And yet I'm already stuck at my first step outwards.
Sigh.

Till then.


I'm lost.