Tuesday, August 23, 2011.

♥ Mixed feelings and a promise to myself.

I know..
that I've made a huge decision recently.
Till now, I'm still wondering how I mustered the courage to make such a choice.


Can't quite express how I'm exactly feeling right now. A mixture of relief and sadness and anticipation, i suppose?



It's strange that something I like becomes something that stresses me out too much.



Perhaps liken to the advice I read from a book:


"A huge sign that you've found your true calling is that you're a little bit afraid of it. There will be pleasure and pain- pleasure because you love it and it makes you happy, and pain because the stakes are so high. When it's about your heart's desire, failure becomes scarier. You care. It's your work. Your purpose. Own it." -The Amazing Adventures of Working Girl by Karen Burns



... I was overwhelmed by that fear at that moment and so I took the u-turn. It seems like a coward's act, but at that point of time, the stress/fear/pressure... those feelings were something that you cannot really understand unless you've been through it first-hand.



I did not regret coming out of it, but at times, I can't help feeling a bit nostalgic about the time I spent doing things there, although it was only for a week. It's afterall my interest, so I guess feeling that tinge of sadness that I'm moving away from my dream remains an inevitable fact. The fact that I cannot be an architect anymore. I can never forget how thrilled I was when I knew that I was accepted into this course back then. It's a very special feeling. But life is never smooth-sailing all the time.. some people take ages to reach their goals.. it all depends. I might have to take a longer route, but it's not necessarily bad. This is just the start of my life. I've a long way to go on and I'm not stopping because of this setback.



It hurts, but I look forward to my life in another new environment. It may not be easy; it's definitely not easy, but I'll try.



Another career advice by the working girl:



"It's never too late to be the person you were meant to be"






And, on the last note, I'm gonna make myself a promise here. I am not leaving my interior design dream forever. I'll be back! Even if it takes me forever to get there. That's how passionate I am about it. I know that after coming out from the current course, my route towards interior design related careers will become even harder. I might face more difficulties. I might not get there. But I'll still try. Try at a time when I feel I'm more mature and ready to embrace it. I can start reading up on materials related to interior design, talk to professionals, provide free labour in exchange for experience, anything. And anyway, I need not be an interior designer.. I can work for something that keeps me close to interior design. Or even, I can try to incorporate what I learnt in my new course together with my knowledge in design to make something impressive. Anything is possible.







I believe I can reach there one day.







If you happen to pass by my blog and see this post, please support me! Your encouragement will be deeply appreciated.








Right now, I think I still need some time to adjust to the changes. I know I'm not very good at managing changes. Plus all the feelings that I have no idea who I can share it with and decided to leave them here, I feel that time is what I need now to help me strike a balance.







Till then, hope I'll be happier the next time I come here.